Moving From Angst to Gratitude

I am feeling a lot of angst about leaving my dog. I am going to visit my son and his wife and my two grandchildren for 3 weeks over the holidays. I have arranged for Taj to stay at my friend Carolyn’s house for the duration.

During this year I had to leave him at Carolyn’s and with another friend, Sheila, during my 2 surgeries and recovery. All together that was a month and a half. Now I am going off again. I feel my heart being pulled.

This is my first year with Taj. I got him just before Christmas last year. He is a marvelous guy. He is gentle, friendly with other animals, wonderful and endlessly patient with children and adaptable. He seems to be able to go to others’ homes and stay without much stress.

Of all the dogs I have had in my life, Taj is the one who is not neurotic. He is the one who can make changes. He is the one who is not aloof with I return from an extended visit. He is immediately present to me and that makes me very happy.

I feel fortunate to have friends who want Taj to stay with them. I am glad I don’t have to leave him in a kennel. I feel like he is getting personal attention and love at my friends’. That is so important to me. He will get walked and played with and loved on. Taj and I are lucky that way.

So, since Taj will be cared for and happy, why am I anxious and feeling guilty leaving him? There are feelings of abandonment that come up when I think about leaving him. I don’t think he reflects this or that he even experiences this. He lives in the moment and when he is with Carolyn or Sheila he is happy.

I also feel as though I am shirking my responsibility as a pet-owner. I feel as though I made a commitment and am not living up to my end of the deal. This, too, is not accurate, as I know finding him appropriate care when I am unavailable is part of being a good pet-owner.

Are some of my feelings due to the fact that I will miss him? You bet. That seems obvious and normal. I enjoy his little spirit immensely and love waking up to his happy little self each day. Still, I need to be able to go away from him and be okay with his staying here.

At least I know the problem is mine and not Taj’s. I have the capacity to work though my feelings. It is not a far stretch for me to get to gratitude. I am sincerely grateful to my friends for loving Taj and appreciate their willingness to take him into their homes.

I think it is time to let go of the angst and start enjoying the time I am away more. He is going to be well cared for when I am gone and I can go with the assurance of that. I am going to let go of “my stuff” and simply leave with confidence and enjoy my family. Taj will be fine.