The Whining Continues

• A number of years ago my son and my sister, who know me better than anyone, told me they felt I had NO aptitude for whining. They both believed it was impossible for me to think in a way that would induce complaints of any kind. I had to agree with them. My outlook on life has been generally optimistic and open to possibilities and I tend to take the bleak as part of the process and not the end. Therefore, all I have to do is wait and the process will cycle around and things will change. There has really been no need to complain. The lessons learned by the challenges are well worth it in hindsight.
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  This is not to say I haven’t had my share of sadness, grief, anger, disappointment, pain, depression and heartache. In fact, I feel like my life has been a consistent, steady procession of these. It’s just that I deal with them as they come up and work through their pain and then let them go. I have gotten better and better at this, although I believe, it will be an ongoing lifework and lesson for me.
  
  
  I have also considered myself to have a high tolerance for physical pain. Other than having a natural birth with my son I have never experienced an unbearable level of physical pain for long periods of time. Hence, no complaints. However, I spent this last summer in constant knee pain that finally resulted in a complete knee replacement at the end of July. The pain was so constant for such a long period of time I couldn’t even think clearly. It was all consuming. It wouldn’t let up. I admit, I got cranky and even whined!
  
  
  The knee is healing fabulously now and I have consistently been way ahead of the rehab schedule. However, walking with a crippled knee for 3 months put stress on my opposite hip and now I am facing a complete hip replacement on September 23rd. The pain is unbearable and I am finding it challenging to walk without a cane for any distance.
  
  
  Now, you might think I am really cranky and whiney! But, no, I am taking it all as it comes. I have gotten over feeling as though I have lost large parts of my life. (Things like: TaiChi, hiking, taking long walks, and orchestra to name a few). I am more settled into the healing cycle and am letting that lead my process rather than letting the pain dominate and control.
  
  
  I have always had anxiety about new things. Going into my second major surgery in 7 weeks I know exactly what it will be like, what the hospital and rehab facility are like, how they work. I know about myself and how I will react. I am clear I am going to feel a lot of pain initially and then it will get better and better. This is not to say I have no fear. Now, though, I can see an end to this horrible and intense pain. I can’t wait until 3 weeks from now when the surgical pain has stopped and the actual hip pain is gone. I am visualizing and keeping my mind focused on this reality.
  
  
  Am I glad I learned to whine? You bet. I have discovered if I can stop myself and not give in to complaining, the pain shows me exactly what I need. As this has become more familiar, the need to whine has diminished. This has lead to the newly emerging skill of asking for what I need. This is the greatest gift of the pain I’ve experienced. I know going into this second surgery I am many times better at identifying my needs and more comfortable asking for them than I have ever been in my life. Is whining just a step in a long continuum of knowing, allowing and feeling like you deserve to have your needs met? I am beginning to think that is true. For the record, about Tuesday’s surgery, “I don’t like it!”