A facilitator I couldn’t stop talking about gave one of the first workshops I ever attended. She was grounded, friendly, at ease with herself, connected to spirit, funny, intelligent, and brought us all into the moment with such quiet enthusiasm that I felt transported to another dimension. I talked about her with all my friends, “You just wouldn’t believe how wonderful she is!” They humored me for several weeks. Then one courageous friend boldly said, “She doesn’t sound like a real human being”.
I was shocked! My friend’s comment gave me pause for thought. What was there about this woman that had so energized me? I asked my friend to elaborate. “Well, when you talk about her, all the qualities you admire are ones I see in you.”
This really shook me up. I couldn’t grasp what she was talking about. None of these qualities were ways I identified or felt about myself. I would have described myself as flighty, aloof, uncomfortable in my skin, disconnected from spirit, bumbling, dull and shy. Where were these characteristics that my friend saw in me? Why couldn’t I feel them?
That is when I began the journey to discover those qualities in myself. The first step on my journey I had already taken: bringing what I most admired into my consciousness. After that the path led me right to the concepts of shadows and projection. This journey, which has taken years to walk, has radically altered my perceptions of the world and myself and changed my life.
Shadows are the parts of myself that I have not integrated so I experience them as being outside of myself. Some of my shadows are dark and others are light. I know when a shadow is around by the intensity of emotions I experience. A light shadow might be something in a person that I admire, like with the workshop facilitator. Dark shadows show up with someone I can’t stand because of things they do; like being too loud, too happy, too quiet, or having no respect for things that mean a lot to me.
One matter was becoming clearer in my discoveries: when a shadow is present, my mind fuels me with extra strong emotions. Reality gets distorted and clouded by what I think and feel. People, situations, and things take on bigger-than-life proportions. One thing that seemed odd was that the light shadows made me feel inadequate, inferior and hopeless, while dark shadows made me angry and opinionated.
Another incident taught me more about how shadows and projection operate. An acquaintance of mine recently got a new computer. My mind began to obsess about all the things the computer did. I couldn’t stop thinking about how a computer like that could offer me so much in the work I am currently doing. My mind was telling me I couldn’t afford to get one. My emotions were running high.
The light shadow for me was all the positive qualities I was seeing in the computer and also how they could empower my work. The dark shadow was rearing its ugly head, too, with loud jealous feelings toward my acquaintance. My mind bounced me back and forth between the two. When I felt the potentials the computer could offer me, I would think about how the computer I have was inadequate and limiting to my work and me. Then I would get furious at my acquaintance and feel the unfairness of their having the new computer and not me.
It was becoming obvious from my enormous feelings; my mind was trying to show me something important. As my mind was flooding me with conflicting emotions and incredible discomfort, I stopped and tried to access what was really going on. The strong emotional responses I was experiencing were coming from my mind giving me a plethora of dichotomies: good and bad, desire and lack, love and hate.
I could sense that shadows, both dark and light, were at play. The strong emotional chaos in my mind was trying to get me to see what I didn’t yet know and hadn’t integrated in myself. The emotions brought and kept my attention on this experience so I wouldn’t miss it. I cautiously let myself think about the opposite of what I was feeling. This brought me face to face with the shadow: the computer offered possibilities for my work that had not found its way into my awareness and my mind wasn’t allowing me to have. I quickly realized the anger at my acquaintance had nothing to do with her.
I was reminded of the intense feelings I had felt with the workshop facilitator many years before. I knew I was in the territory of shadows. This time, however, I began to see how projection works. It’s like being in a movie theatre watching a movie on a giant screen. The movie tells its story and for several hours I am ported out of my own reality and live within the movie’s. As the characters play out the plot, my emotions are carried along with the story line. Some part of me knows that I am watching a movie, so when the protagonist does something that is emotionally jarring; I do not jump up from my seat and run screaming into the screen.
When I am not at the movies but back in the reality of my own life, the powerful emotions that erupt from shadows are like a movie I’m experiencing. I can see that my mind is projecting these feelings out onto people and things and attaching distorted meanings to them. Then my world tumbles with a jumble of hurt, disappointment, envy, adoration, anger and lots of confusion. My response to the world in the reality my mind is creating is equivalent to running hell-bent into a large movie screen. I wondered what would happen if I pulled the projections back and witnessed my feelings instead of letting them run amuck.
Now that I better understand projection, I am doing an improved job owning my shadows. I watch for strong emotions as signals there is something I need to stop and observe. Sometimes it still takes me a while to integrate the qualities I admire or loathe, but I am getting gentler about giving myself the time I need. I do not give away my power to people or things outside of myself anymore, at least more of the time. I find it fascinating to witness the world from this perspective and my mind no longer jumps into the old obscure reality with its tempting antics.
As I integrate my shadows, I feel more whole and authentic. I love facilitating workshops, for instance, and humbly appreciate how grounded I can be and the ease I have with myself. I value my sense of humor and friendly nature. I am astounded at my connection to spirit and love holding group energy so participants can be transformed by discovering connections within themselves. I also have a computer that serves my needs. I find myself feeling happy for others when I hear about their successes. Shadows have become positive beacons for me and are no longer destructive distractions. I appreciate knowing what I am unaware of in myself. There is much less projecting. Isn’t life an amazing journey?
I was shocked! My friend’s comment gave me pause for thought. What was there about this woman that had so energized me? I asked my friend to elaborate. “Well, when you talk about her, all the qualities you admire are ones I see in you.”
This really shook me up. I couldn’t grasp what she was talking about. None of these qualities were ways I identified or felt about myself. I would have described myself as flighty, aloof, uncomfortable in my skin, disconnected from spirit, bumbling, dull and shy. Where were these characteristics that my friend saw in me? Why couldn’t I feel them?
That is when I began the journey to discover those qualities in myself. The first step on my journey I had already taken: bringing what I most admired into my consciousness. After that the path led me right to the concepts of shadows and projection. This journey, which has taken years to walk, has radically altered my perceptions of the world and myself and changed my life.
Shadows are the parts of myself that I have not integrated so I experience them as being outside of myself. Some of my shadows are dark and others are light. I know when a shadow is around by the intensity of emotions I experience. A light shadow might be something in a person that I admire, like with the workshop facilitator. Dark shadows show up with someone I can’t stand because of things they do; like being too loud, too happy, too quiet, or having no respect for things that mean a lot to me.
One matter was becoming clearer in my discoveries: when a shadow is present, my mind fuels me with extra strong emotions. Reality gets distorted and clouded by what I think and feel. People, situations, and things take on bigger-than-life proportions. One thing that seemed odd was that the light shadows made me feel inadequate, inferior and hopeless, while dark shadows made me angry and opinionated.
Another incident taught me more about how shadows and projection operate. An acquaintance of mine recently got a new computer. My mind began to obsess about all the things the computer did. I couldn’t stop thinking about how a computer like that could offer me so much in the work I am currently doing. My mind was telling me I couldn’t afford to get one. My emotions were running high.
The light shadow for me was all the positive qualities I was seeing in the computer and also how they could empower my work. The dark shadow was rearing its ugly head, too, with loud jealous feelings toward my acquaintance. My mind bounced me back and forth between the two. When I felt the potentials the computer could offer me, I would think about how the computer I have was inadequate and limiting to my work and me. Then I would get furious at my acquaintance and feel the unfairness of their having the new computer and not me.
It was becoming obvious from my enormous feelings; my mind was trying to show me something important. As my mind was flooding me with conflicting emotions and incredible discomfort, I stopped and tried to access what was really going on. The strong emotional responses I was experiencing were coming from my mind giving me a plethora of dichotomies: good and bad, desire and lack, love and hate.
I could sense that shadows, both dark and light, were at play. The strong emotional chaos in my mind was trying to get me to see what I didn’t yet know and hadn’t integrated in myself. The emotions brought and kept my attention on this experience so I wouldn’t miss it. I cautiously let myself think about the opposite of what I was feeling. This brought me face to face with the shadow: the computer offered possibilities for my work that had not found its way into my awareness and my mind wasn’t allowing me to have. I quickly realized the anger at my acquaintance had nothing to do with her.
I was reminded of the intense feelings I had felt with the workshop facilitator many years before. I knew I was in the territory of shadows. This time, however, I began to see how projection works. It’s like being in a movie theatre watching a movie on a giant screen. The movie tells its story and for several hours I am ported out of my own reality and live within the movie’s. As the characters play out the plot, my emotions are carried along with the story line. Some part of me knows that I am watching a movie, so when the protagonist does something that is emotionally jarring; I do not jump up from my seat and run screaming into the screen.
When I am not at the movies but back in the reality of my own life, the powerful emotions that erupt from shadows are like a movie I’m experiencing. I can see that my mind is projecting these feelings out onto people and things and attaching distorted meanings to them. Then my world tumbles with a jumble of hurt, disappointment, envy, adoration, anger and lots of confusion. My response to the world in the reality my mind is creating is equivalent to running hell-bent into a large movie screen. I wondered what would happen if I pulled the projections back and witnessed my feelings instead of letting them run amuck.
Now that I better understand projection, I am doing an improved job owning my shadows. I watch for strong emotions as signals there is something I need to stop and observe. Sometimes it still takes me a while to integrate the qualities I admire or loathe, but I am getting gentler about giving myself the time I need. I do not give away my power to people or things outside of myself anymore, at least more of the time. I find it fascinating to witness the world from this perspective and my mind no longer jumps into the old obscure reality with its tempting antics.
As I integrate my shadows, I feel more whole and authentic. I love facilitating workshops, for instance, and humbly appreciate how grounded I can be and the ease I have with myself. I value my sense of humor and friendly nature. I am astounded at my connection to spirit and love holding group energy so participants can be transformed by discovering connections within themselves. I also have a computer that serves my needs. I find myself feeling happy for others when I hear about their successes. Shadows have become positive beacons for me and are no longer destructive distractions. I appreciate knowing what I am unaware of in myself. There is much less projecting. Isn’t life an amazing journey?
