I have been aware for many years about "being in the moment". Meditation, yoga, walking, nature, swimming, and playing music are some of the ways I have practiced to get myself centered and quiet. Having the ability to get centered and still has been invaluable. For one thing, I can deal with stressful things that come up in my life with some ease. Recently, though, I have become aware of another level and that is what I want to explore in this blog.
Being in the moment has meant struggling with the challenge of the duality of dealing with the feelings from the past and projection of feelings about the future. This could be said to be anger (past) and fear (future). Sometimes one is predominate and at other times the opposite end of the spectrum takes over. Either way, the feelings get huge and almost paralyze me from actively being in my life.
I have been quite annoyed with the suggestions I have read over the years about dealing with anger. This most often-given solution is forgiveness. This has always bothered me--possibly because it hasn't worked for me. It has seemed to me that forgiving bypasses the feelings which quickly resurface. What good is that in dealing with strong feelings?
A more successful approach to dealing with anger for me has been thinking about anger as a signal to tell me "what I don't like" or "what isn't okay with me". This points quickly to what I need. This way of thinking helps moderate my feelings and refocuses the angry energy into what is really going on. The only limiting thing about this approach is I have to remember to do it and in the midst of the gigantic feelings it is difficult to stop and think. It is possible and gets better with practice, it just is not 100%.
Fear is another out-of-control monster. It quickly zooms me way into the future with seemingly little possibility of getting back to what is happening in the now. I have tried a similar thing as with anger, but asking myself the question "what do I need?". Again, this is primarily a thinking activity and requires more than a little consciousness to stop the feelings and ask the question.
Dealing with enormous feelings with thinking has been, therefore, pretty unreliable. Even with knowing how to get quiet and centered, the massive size of my feelings have continued to rip me out of the moment into the past or the future in micro-seconds. This is where my new observations enter...
It has become apparent to me that my feelings are the secret to "being in the moment". Instead of fighting with them and trying to "think" them away, what would happen if I let myself go into them and actually "experience" them? I tried this the other day and will try to describe what happened...
I was going along in my day, "la la la", centered, happy and doing well. Then a friend called me and told me she was not going to get an apartment with me in the summer as she had found another living situation. Bamn. I was in the past and in the future simultaneously going eighty miles an hour with the brake on. My anger encompassed more than my feelings about my friend and her decision, it went back through my life. I was angry at all the times I have had to move. I was angry at all the people who were involved with those times of change. I was angry at myself for the decisions I have made that put me in the position I'm in. I was just plain angry at everything and everybody!
And fear!!!! That was totally over the top!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could barely breathe because of my fear feelings. I was so overwhelmed with all the feelings about the future and how inadequate I felt to deal with it, that I couldn't function. All I could do was sit down and try to breathe.
Then it occurred to me that I was split between the past and the future and neither was helping me out in the "now" moment. It took me a while to bring myself back. Once I did I realized that I could take my "experiences" of having those feelings and work with them. Immediately I found that the experiences were telling me that I was in a serious state of "lack". And suddenly I knew what I needed to do. Gratitude.
I began to let myself feel grateful for all I have and all that I have had in my life. I felt grateful that I am living my life fully and that I am happy. I am healthy. I am free to think and feel however I want. No one is hounding me to do or be something I am not. I have a good life and am loving it. Letting the experiences of the past and the future bring me to this different and new place was a miracle. I suspect that experiencing is why I am on the Earth and what I am to learn to reach my highest human potential. That's how important this is.
Now, I know this may sound odd, but I assure you, it is changing my life for the better. The fantastic thing about it is experiencing by-passes thinking and uses the energy from the feelings to help me get to a better place. It gets me to a place in the "now"--in the moment--where I can come up with solutions, or at least am open to solutions coming to me. Give it a try...and let me know how experiencing your life works for you.
