My nephew and his wife had a little girl on May 26th. Her name is Lily. Lily arrived with alert dark eyes, looking like a clone of her mom. She is their second child. Their first little girl, Emma, is two and a half years old. She looks like her daddy. She is imaginative, bright, funny, silly and true to 2 year olds in general, is defiant, self-centered, demanding, manipulative and prone to melt-downs and temper tantrums over nothing in particular.
I stayed with them for a week when Lily was born to help with Emma and generally be an extra set of hands for whatever was needed to make things easier. My sister was there also, so we spotted each other with the things that came up that needed doing. Emma took a lot of energy. Just writing that makes me realize what an understatement it is. Her needs changed as the days went by.
The night before her mom went in for a c-section, Emma spent the evening with both her parents doting on her, snuggling and generally loving her up. She understood that there was a baby in her mommy's tummy but had no concept of what that meant.
The first night after Lily was born was the first time Emma had ever spent without her mother. She was happy to be with her "Granny" and was distracted from the fact that her parents weren't there.
The next morning, though, when Grammy and not Mommy came to get her out of bed, Emma had a major melt-down. She stood at the window far longer than her usual attention span and sobbed. Granny knew that she needed to see her mommy and where she was and meet Lily. She arranged to take Emma to the hospital after her nap that afternoon.
After this visit, her anger began to kick in. She started having many temper tantrums, throwing things refusing food and being clumsy and reckless so that she fell and bumped into things. All of these melt-downs ended in the same place with her calling out, " M O M M Y . . . "
When they brought Lily home, Emma had an even more difficult time because of her mother's nonavailability while being in the same house. We had strict instructions from her mother to leave her and Lily alone unless she came out of her room. This was a very difficult thing to implement with Emma wanting her mother's attention more than ever.
The other difficulty was helping Emma understand how fragile and vulnerable Lily is. Emma would forget and not pay attention and it took major watching when Lily was around to keep her safe.
Another thing Emma had to come to terms with was having her things being brought out for the baby to use. Her car seat, bouncy seat and swing, all which were too small for her at this point, became both fascinations and frustrations. All of these items eventually ended up out of her reach, as she couldn't leave them alone.
It was interesting to watch the change in dynamics with Emma when her parents were around. She got incredibly wound up and ANGRY. Then the acting out would get full-blown. Nothing would please her, nothing would console her and nothing would stop her from acting out. My sister and I watched as her parents, exhausted and unable to really deal with her, would give in to her wishes and cave under her bad behavior.
My sister and I are both exhausted after being there this week. We agreed there is a reason why young people have children. I'm certain with time, things with Emma, Lily and their parents will calm down and become easier. It certainly was eye opening to me to see how challenging it is to bring home a new baby, especially with a 2 year old to deal with!
