May 30, 1997 - July 11, 2013
Ladybug was two and a half years old when she came into my life. She was a Champion, having spent her early years as a show dog and then having one litter of puppies. I already had two Tibetan Spaniels, Arty and Abracadabra, and was indecisive at first about adding a third. But my life lent itself to having multiple dogs and in a weak moment I said, "yes".
She didn't really have a chance to shine with the other two. Arty had my heart and that was that. He was cuddly and faithful to me and I found him endlessly loving and entertaining. Abracadabra was exactly like her name -- a magical fairy being. She was a little shining light -- clearly the center of the Universe.
Ladybug was hesitant. She always followed and liked what the others did and was never the leader. She was sweet and I liked her. But, she did not like me. She would bond with whoever was around but she would walk past me with her nose in the air. It wasn't until many years later, after Arty and Abracadabra had both passed on, that I sat down with her and said, "if you are truly unhappy with me I will find you a place where you want to be. This blatant rejection, though, is not working for me".
After that talk, she was mine. She followed me everywhere and would often fall asleep at my feet. She made a 180 degree turn around and we were both happier because of it. I found myself opening my heart to her as well. We became a team and delighted in each other's company and companionship.
Soon after we became friends she was accidentally let out of the house when I was not there. We were living in the desert south of Tucson. She got out of an open fence and disappeared. Everyone searched for her but she was no where to be found. After 4 days, I had given up hope of finding her. There were coyotes and rattlesnakes, mountain lions and many other creatures that were just waiting for an innocent little dog. I made my peace with her loss.
Then I got a call from someone several miles up the road that they had seen Ladybug and recognized her from a flyer I had posted on the main road. I went where they had seen her in a heavy monsoon rainstorm and she came running to me. Surprisingly, she was okay and we were reunited again.
After that we spent another year in Arizona, a year in Philadelphia and two years in Colorado together. We were adjusting quite well to her aging process. She still had relatively good health. She would go for walks and sniff at everything and walk slowly about 15 minutes and then suddenly run full tilt back to our apartment. I would literally have to run to keep up with her. She did this until her death.
Three weeks before she died she poked her cornea. I never figured out what she poked it on. None the less, it was a serious wound and I had to put antibiotic drops in her eyes 10 times a day. The eye improved minimally but didn't really heal. She appeared to not be in pain or really bothered by it. One night I woke her up for the last time out for the evening and she riled up from her bed in terrible pain. I stayed up with her the entire night and through the next day until our appointment at the Veterinarian's. She only found comfort by standing close with her face to a wall where she would pant for a half hour before finding another wall. It was excruciating to experience and I have never felt more helpless!
The Veterinarian (who I have the deepest respect for) said he would give me his honest opinion about what needed to happen. After examining her he confirmed that she was in a lot of pain and that the eye was not healing well. He felt, as I did, that the compassionate thing to do was to euthanize her.
The most enormous thing Ladybug gave me was relaxing in my arms before the shot. She had never done that before and I realized as it was happening that that was her gift to me. More than any other animal or person who has died in my life, Ladybug showed me grace in dying. I felt extremely sad (I was a wreck, actually) but filled with love and the knowledge that Ladybug and I had reached to end of our lives together in exactly the right time and way.
My perception of death has shifted since that day. One of my dear friends passed away last weekend and I felt the same way that I had with Ladybug. I had always wanted to feel peaceful and not fearful about death but had never achieved this. The blessing I received from Ladybug is that death is simply part of life. It is just a part of the cycle. I have known this for a long time but never really "gotten" it. I will be forever grateful to my little girl!
