I have been blessed with many friends in my life. I distinctly remember when I recognized my first friend. We were 4. In my overly-protected world I had only gone to relatives’ homes. It is impossible to express in words my excitement when I walked the long two blocks to her house. I was fascinated being in a new home with different people, things, rules and feelings. I was aware of the experience of “other”. During the time I spent there I could actually feel my world expand. I can’t explain how exactly—after all I was only 4 years old—but there was a sense that my world would never include just my family and it had a profound effect of me. I knew instinctually that friendship was something very powerful and special.
There was a small group of friends that went to school with me from kindergarten through high school in the tiny town where I grew up. When I think back on them I realize they gave me total acceptance, encouragement to be my best, support with my family during adolescence, and unconditional love. I depended on their steady, grounded, caring and wonder if I’d have survived my childhood without them?
College brought more friends into my life, as did my young adulthood. After living eight years in Upstate New York, I moved to Colorado just as I turned 25. This move challenged me to try to figure out how to maintain friendships long distance. This took an unbelievable amount of energy and work. At that time there weren't texts or email, which narrows the distance today. Then, it took phone calls, trips back and forth, letters and a lot of faith to keep friendships alive and happy.
At the same time I was trying to maintain friends in Upstate I was joyously making many, many new friends in Boulder. The thirteen years I lived in Boulder were the most abundant for making friends in my life. I really appreciate now, after being away for over twenty year and returning to Colorado to live, what history in a friendship adds. As I re-acquaint myself with them I am having the astounding experience of realizing that I have known, cared about and loved many friends for over 30 years. It is this history that brings with it an extraordinary sense of continuity and consistency that I don’t have with any other aspect in my life.
I have been thinking a lot about friendship. I can honestly say that friendship is the most satisfying part of my life. Friends have helped me practice loving unconditionally, keeping clear boundaries, keeping my own council, trusting, sharing feelings, ideas and dreams and about accepting change. As I have grown in my relationship with myself and come to know myself better—I am better at being a good and healthy friend. Fortunately, I have friends who have also worked hard on themselves, which makes what can seem insurmountable with some people obsolete with my friends. Our friendships have developed over the years into a “safe haven”—a place I can “be” my true self.
The ultimate wonder about friendship and what is most enjoyable for me is the very fascination that I had with my first friend: the phenomena of having my world expand and change. This can include seeing things with a fuller view with fresh and different perspectives. There are times I feel things so deeply when I am with my friends I experience my heart opening. I love when ideas are presented that spark the creative process and there is a mind-stretching sharing that happens that keeps building as though it will go on forever. And then there is the pure sweetness of being loved, nurtured and cared about with no conditions, judgments or expectations.
Yes. For me, friendship is the BEST! I have come to thrive on it, enjoy it, live for those times it grows. Just thinking about it makes me laugh right out loud. I feel absolutely, abundantly blessed. There is no doubt about it, with my friends is my favorite place to be.
