Lessons Learned

I have learned a lot about myself during the last six months. During that time I was in almost continual intense pain, eventually ending up with a complete knee replacement followed six weeks later with a complete hip replacement. Wow! I am now five weeks out from the last surgery and just got back from a walk in the park with my dog, Taj. It’s just amazing that I can be pain free and mobile again!

So, where do I begin? The first thing that comes to mind is dealing with pain. I have had short periods of intense pain—childbirth comes to mind. Never have I had eye-tearing pain that continues day and night for months! I have never been one to complain or whine about pain. This time I did. What did I learn? Whine LOUDER!

My surgeon and primary doctor both underestimated my concerns about the amount of pain I was in. They did not believe me, partly because they had never known me to complain. Also, I don’t think I was persistent or persuasive enough in my communications with them. I hadn’t come into my power yet, which is one of the things that developed throughout this process.

More about power: When I went into the therapy rehab unit after the knee surgery they didn’t have my medication ordered. I spent the first 20 hours there without any pain medication. I called my good friend who had been a nurse before retiring and said, “I’m out of here.” She said, “No, you’re not! You have to learn to get what you need, say what you need and come into your power around this. Imagine what you want your recovery to look like and make it so”. She was right.

When you are in a rehab unit there is a constant flow of people coming in an out of your room to help you, take vitals, offer various therapies, give medications, clean your room, etc. I learned that I had to say what I wanted. If it wasn’t a good time for me—I had to say that. If I had company, I had to say, “No, please come back”. After a while I got better and better at this and came out stronger than I have ever been.

After the knee surgery my hip began to deteriorate quickly. I had to use my newfound power to push the surgeon to do the appropriate tests necessary to meet insurance mandates for doing surgery. The surgeon said to me, “I didn’t listen to you about how bad your knee was so this time I am going to pay attention. You know your body and I need to take your lead. I will order the tests and do surgery six weeks after the knee, if needed.” I was shocked to hear this from a surgeon! I was shocked and happy!

Another thing I learned was what excellent, loving, amazing friends I have. Everyone was exceptional and completely there for me in exactly the right ways I needed. I knew I had good friends but until I was laid up I didn’t know how totally fantastic they were. I had many visits during both surgeries and recoveries, calls, cards, prayers and well-wishes galore and ended up knowing without a doubt I am living in the right place and am truly blessed.

I am grateful to be on the other side of these surgeries. I am still going to physical therapy twice a week and a lot of my time and attention goes toward my exercises and continued rehab. I am walking well and am practically pain free. I wouldn’t want to go through it again. I did learn a lot about myself. I learned to honor my needs and how to go about getting them met.

The Whining Continues

• A number of years ago my son and my sister, who know me better than anyone, told me they felt I had NO aptitude for whining. They both believed it was impossible for me to think in a way that would induce complaints of any kind. I had to agree with them. My outlook on life has been generally optimistic and open to possibilities and I tend to take the bleak as part of the process and not the end. Therefore, all I have to do is wait and the process will cycle around and things will change. There has really been no need to complain. The lessons learned by the challenges are well worth it in hindsight.
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  This is not to say I haven’t had my share of sadness, grief, anger, disappointment, pain, depression and heartache. In fact, I feel like my life has been a consistent, steady procession of these. It’s just that I deal with them as they come up and work through their pain and then let them go. I have gotten better and better at this, although I believe, it will be an ongoing lifework and lesson for me.
  
  
  I have also considered myself to have a high tolerance for physical pain. Other than having a natural birth with my son I have never experienced an unbearable level of physical pain for long periods of time. Hence, no complaints. However, I spent this last summer in constant knee pain that finally resulted in a complete knee replacement at the end of July. The pain was so constant for such a long period of time I couldn’t even think clearly. It was all consuming. It wouldn’t let up. I admit, I got cranky and even whined!
  
  
  The knee is healing fabulously now and I have consistently been way ahead of the rehab schedule. However, walking with a crippled knee for 3 months put stress on my opposite hip and now I am facing a complete hip replacement on September 23rd. The pain is unbearable and I am finding it challenging to walk without a cane for any distance.
  
  
  Now, you might think I am really cranky and whiney! But, no, I am taking it all as it comes. I have gotten over feeling as though I have lost large parts of my life. (Things like: TaiChi, hiking, taking long walks, and orchestra to name a few). I am more settled into the healing cycle and am letting that lead my process rather than letting the pain dominate and control.
  
  
  I have always had anxiety about new things. Going into my second major surgery in 7 weeks I know exactly what it will be like, what the hospital and rehab facility are like, how they work. I know about myself and how I will react. I am clear I am going to feel a lot of pain initially and then it will get better and better. This is not to say I have no fear. Now, though, I can see an end to this horrible and intense pain. I can’t wait until 3 weeks from now when the surgical pain has stopped and the actual hip pain is gone. I am visualizing and keeping my mind focused on this reality.
  
  
  Am I glad I learned to whine? You bet. I have discovered if I can stop myself and not give in to complaining, the pain shows me exactly what I need. As this has become more familiar, the need to whine has diminished. This has lead to the newly emerging skill of asking for what I need. This is the greatest gift of the pain I’ve experienced. I know going into this second surgery I am many times better at identifying my needs and more comfortable asking for them than I have ever been in my life. Is whining just a step in a long continuum of knowing, allowing and feeling like you deserve to have your needs met? I am beginning to think that is true. For the record, about Tuesday’s surgery, “I don’t like it!”