Tai Chi Spell Broken

The most amazing thing happened at my Tai Chi class recently!

A few years ago my friend Jenny and I kept falling for no good reason on our dog walks. One day, 4 1/2 years ago, we talked and decided to do something about it. We started going to the Tai Chi class at the Recreation Center twice a week. Tai Chi allowed us the opportunity to move slowly, learn about balance, and basically learn about where we are in our bodies while moving. In the first 3 years neither of us fell.

A series of joint replacements the summer before last made it impossible for me to continue the class. I struggled just to walk. Three months after the hip surgery, I fell. My balance was horrible. I had no idea where my body was in space. 

I had intended on going back to Tai Chi when I finished my physical therapy, but kept finding excuses and reasons not to go. I finally sat down and did some writing about it. I discovered a greater obstacle than the physical pain:  issues with the teacher!

Marcia is fantastic when it comes to teaching how the body works. She is superbly intuitive and clear when it comes to seeing what the body is doing and how to make it to work properly. She is also narcissistic, eccentric, erratic, and controlling. Occasionally, out of the blue, she will blast a student in the class in front of everyone.

The fist time this happened I had a very strong negative reaction but said or did nothing. I was like a deer in headlights--fogged over and frightened. This belittling behavior kept happening sporadically, and the entire class walked on egg shells knowing another outburst would certainly happen. Jenny said she dealt with it by doing the Tai Chi and ignoring Marcia. I tried this but it didn't ease my anxiety.

I hadn't been aware feelings of anxiety and physical pain were blocking my going back to class. About this time I had my 4th and 5th fall in 2015. I knew that I had to get myself back to class--for me.  Every time I thought about finding another class I would acknowledge Marcia was excellent at what I needed plus the class had become a community and support system for me. I made the decision that if Marcia jumped on me or someone else I would simply go to her after class and tell her that her behavior was unacceptable to me and if it happened again I would bring up the problem in class...

The day of the amazing thing, Jenny was whispering to me about her new adult coloring book. She was so excited about feeling her creativity coming back after a long hiatus. Marcia glared at us for talking and then her curiosity about our interaction overcame her and she inquired about our conversation. 

Jenny animatedly shared her story, embellishing it to include that her son had sent her a copy of the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. Marcia launched into stories about the drawing classes she had taken. She spoke at length about how the point of taking any class is to have the teacher tell you that you’re doing a great job. Jenny said she didn’t want to take a class as she had too many voices inside her head telling her stuff—she didn’t want or need someone on the outside doing it, too.

Then Marcia talked about a watercolor class she had taken where the teacher only said critical things. She said, “Now, that is the kind of teacher you should run away from.” 

We resumed Tai Chi mode and were seriously and intently doing the form. I was aware of my intense focus on my body when I felt Marcia move near me. I could feel her eyes piercing right through me. As we stopped what we were doing she was standing right next to me. I felt and heard her suck in a chastising breath...

Without hesitation I said, “I bet you are about to tell me what a good job I am doing?” For a brief second she looked shocked. Then the class laughed and by this time I was looking at her and she laughed, too. The entire class at that moment knew we had a new point of reference from her bullying. It was like this great weight had been lifted. The spell had been broken. 

It was AMAZING!

Unscathed by a National Disaster

Last week the part of Colorado where I live experienced horrendous flooding. The water made all of the mountain streams flash flood into the cities and farming communities below. Hundreds of people lost their homes. Several thousand were evacuated. The damage was extensive. Entire towns were taken out and no longer exist at all. It will take years to rebuild bridges, roads, houses and other structures, as well as businesses. The storm was called a National Emergency Disaster fairly soon after the flooding started and the National Guard and people who had helped with hurricane Katrina came to rescue people and help with the devastation.

Everyone was on alert. My phone announced every few hours for a number of days that flash flooding was a possibility. Day and night the phone would ring or vibrate. Many roads were closed because of water covering them or bridges that were washed out. This made travel nearly impossible. People were advised stay at home unless absolutely necessary so that emergency vehicles could get through.

Blessedly, my home was spared. There was a drainage ditch nearby but it did not overflow—although all the people in the area kept close watch on it. The rain was torrential and steady for days. My parking lot was constantly covered by several inches of water all through the weekend.

I will be forever grateful that I didn’t have to deal with losing my belongings or have to wade through mud to recover them, as many have had to do. Even though I didn’t encounter physical harm or disaster I can’t minimize my experience of the disaster.

Emotionally the flood was frazzling. Fear was the overriding feeling that accompanied the rain and the flooding. My anxiety level was through the roof! I couldn’t relax and the rain just kept falling and pounding. I couldn’t leave and go anywhere and that created a trapped feeling, one of my all-time most challenging feelings. It took all the energy I had just to maintain a sense of equilibrium.

Many people lost electricity. I did not. That didn’t take away the anxiety that it might go out and I might be without my phone—communication with the outer world. I had plenty of food and found myself eating just to calm myself.

I am certain that many people were affected with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the ordeal. I know all week even after the sun came out and everyone started assessing the damage, I was tired and emotionally wasted. I had to be particularly gentle with myself. I required less activity and more sleep. It was definitely a healing process that I was encountering and I am just now beginning to feel like myself again.

Being in a National Disaster but being on the outside is an interesting experience. It reminded me of growing up in Kansas when tornados would whirl through and we would huddle in a root cellar or in the basement until it passed. This time, though it went on for days. The flood of 2013 will go down in history as the worst in recorded history. I can’t believe it happened all around me and I was not directly affected by it like many people. I feel deep gratitude, as I don’t know how well I would have handled losing everything or being displaced.

No. I don’t feel like Noah. I don’t feel like the end of the world is coming, either. Mother Nature has always charted her own course with the weather. It’s just that now people are living in the way of her path. We will all come together and find our way out of this horrible catastrophe but it will take a long, long time.