Appreciating Good Health

At the end of April, I raised the resistance on the recumbent stationary bike at the Recreation Center where I was exercising and rode my usual 10 miles. Two nights later I woke up in the middle of the night in tremendous pain and unable to walk.

I slowly got myself to the Emergency Room and after an ultra sound to check for blood clots and an ex-ray to eliminate breaks I was sent home in a full leg brace on crutches. The next step was seeing an orthopedic surgeon.

The pain that I felt was unbearable. Never had I experienced such intense pain! No matter what I did, the pain didn’t let up. I never imagined that within a couple of weeks my hip would hurt equally as bad as my knee and then I would be dealing with double excruciating pain. I was told to take Ibuprofen to help with inflammation and pain, which did nothing. Then Alive was recommended and it also did not touch the pain. I was miserable, could not concentrate on anything and had to walk with a cane.

When I went to see the orthopedic doctor I found him irritating. He asked me what I wanted to do. When I asked him what he meant by that (wasn’t he supposed to tell me?), he said I could be aggressive about the injury or not. When I opted for being aggressive, wanting to know what was wrong, he ordered an MRI. He also made some “ageist” remark about “what did I expect at my age”.

I got the MRI after waiting for insurance clearance and decided to go to another orthopedic doctor for a second opinion and hopefully a better “bedside manner”. The new doctor was kinder and gave the diagnosis of a strained ligament in my knee. No surgery was necessary and it would take at least 8 weeks to heal.

By this time my opposite hip was in excruciating pain. I made another appointment with the second doctor (with my insurance I couldn’t see the same doctor for different body parts on the same day). After an ex-ray it was determined when the knee healed it would take the stain off the hip. I was given a prescription for physical therapy. I was still not given anything for the pain.

It was five weeks after the initial injury before I was finally given a non-narcotic painkiller. It worked a little for 12 hours. I was only to take it once a day, so half of the day was bearable and the other half still full of pain.

Meditation, visualization, internal psychological examination, water walking, massage and ice all were utilized and with seeming little difference. I had difficulty with my mind staying hopeful and involved with my own healing. It was challenging to stay out of the mindset of being discouraged and cranky. Time was the healer in my scenario and I felt impatient.

My physical therapist broke through my growing discouragement. He headed my exercise page “Paula’s Big Comeback”. His goal was to not only get me healed from this injury but to assure good knee health in the future.

I am still battling the pain and having difficulty walking. My dog thinks the slow pace is great. It gives him an opportunity to smell absolutely everything along our walks.

This experience has given me a new appreciation of having good health. I have been blessed with health situations I can prepare for, with a set amount of time before the healing ends. I have been able to know approximately when I will be healthy again. Now, after this incident, I have a much greater understanding of what people with chronic pain and permanent disabilities deal with every day. Good health is a gift.

Becoming a Grammy on the Other Side Of The World

My grandson, Finn, was born yesterday. I am so ecstatic I can hardly contain myself! He is beautiful, plump and healthy. Perfect! I could go on and on—but hasn’t everyone listened to a new grandparent at one time or another? To avoid mushy redundancy, I will simply say I am very, very excited to watch Finn’s life unfold and to find out who he is.

I wanted to go. I wanted to be there to hold him when he was newly arrived and welcome him to the world. But, my son and his wife live in Great Britain.  I live in Colorado. I admit I was attached to the newborn “thing”. I love newborns! I love how they smell, how they sleep, how the nuzzle up and their lovely gentleness. It is a miracle how they arrive, as if from another world. Birth is a mystery that fascinates me and always has.

It took me probably too long to hear my daughter-in-law’s request for space. At first it felt like a slap—an “I don’t want you around”-kind-of-rejection. After a while, I took the high road and kept perspective. From that vantage point I realized a greater thing—my place in the process of Finn’s arrival was to help  them from the other side of the world.

But, “what does that look like?” I wondered. How do you participate energetically from thousands of miles away? I needed to pull out my metaphysical hat to remember the answer to that question. This one was going to need BIG thinking.

My emotions were scrambled and ENORMOUS as I tried to calm myself enough to wade into this territory with a different approach. Once I really began listening to my feelings the situation began to shift. I needed to let my emotions direct me to what I wanted. What I wanted was to be the best, most helpful, loving Grammy possible.

I calmly meditated on what this might look like. The image conjured was of loving children. I was flooded with images of my son when he was born. It felt like my heart would burst. There was more love than I ever imagined. It didn’t take long to feel the pattern once again. Concentrating on and holding  “love” energy was what I did in my son’s birth and entry into the world. Now, as Grammy, the process was the same for Finn.

I felt the hugeness of the love. I felt the energy of love. I felt the bouyency of the energy of life. I felt part of something much greater than myself. That energy had no bounds. It was not personal, situational or in one particular place or another. I didn’t own it. It was simply there for me to be held. I liked it! A lot!!!!!

It was an easy small step from this awareness to transferring love to Finn and my son and daughter-in-law and their little daughter, Amelia. I could just think about them and feel the love and light. There was an endless bounty of love. In fact, love seemed to expand exponentially as I was immersed in it. I had found my place to be the best Grammy possible on the other side of the world.

Last weekend, before Finn’s birth, I got an indication from my daughter-in-law about when it would be good to visit them. October. I am thrilled when I think about going. It helps me formulate a concrete plan. I will undoubtedly enjoy it beyond imagination. Still, I am blessed with the awareness acquired through the process of Finn’s birth:  Love is bigger than personally being in one place or another. Being part of something does not exclude you. You can participate in something wonderful and be on the other side of the world. I love being a Grammy!