Becoming a Grammy on the Other Side Of The World

My grandson, Finn, was born yesterday. I am so ecstatic I can hardly contain myself! He is beautiful, plump and healthy. Perfect! I could go on and on—but hasn’t everyone listened to a new grandparent at one time or another? To avoid mushy redundancy, I will simply say I am very, very excited to watch Finn’s life unfold and to find out who he is.

I wanted to go. I wanted to be there to hold him when he was newly arrived and welcome him to the world. But, my son and his wife live in Great Britain.  I live in Colorado. I admit I was attached to the newborn “thing”. I love newborns! I love how they smell, how they sleep, how the nuzzle up and their lovely gentleness. It is a miracle how they arrive, as if from another world. Birth is a mystery that fascinates me and always has.

It took me probably too long to hear my daughter-in-law’s request for space. At first it felt like a slap—an “I don’t want you around”-kind-of-rejection. After a while, I took the high road and kept perspective. From that vantage point I realized a greater thing—my place in the process of Finn’s arrival was to help  them from the other side of the world.

But, “what does that look like?” I wondered. How do you participate energetically from thousands of miles away? I needed to pull out my metaphysical hat to remember the answer to that question. This one was going to need BIG thinking.

My emotions were scrambled and ENORMOUS as I tried to calm myself enough to wade into this territory with a different approach. Once I really began listening to my feelings the situation began to shift. I needed to let my emotions direct me to what I wanted. What I wanted was to be the best, most helpful, loving Grammy possible.

I calmly meditated on what this might look like. The image conjured was of loving children. I was flooded with images of my son when he was born. It felt like my heart would burst. There was more love than I ever imagined. It didn’t take long to feel the pattern once again. Concentrating on and holding  “love” energy was what I did in my son’s birth and entry into the world. Now, as Grammy, the process was the same for Finn.

I felt the hugeness of the love. I felt the energy of love. I felt the bouyency of the energy of life. I felt part of something much greater than myself. That energy had no bounds. It was not personal, situational or in one particular place or another. I didn’t own it. It was simply there for me to be held. I liked it! A lot!!!!!

It was an easy small step from this awareness to transferring love to Finn and my son and daughter-in-law and their little daughter, Amelia. I could just think about them and feel the love and light. There was an endless bounty of love. In fact, love seemed to expand exponentially as I was immersed in it. I had found my place to be the best Grammy possible on the other side of the world.

Last weekend, before Finn’s birth, I got an indication from my daughter-in-law about when it would be good to visit them. October. I am thrilled when I think about going. It helps me formulate a concrete plan. I will undoubtedly enjoy it beyond imagination. Still, I am blessed with the awareness acquired through the process of Finn’s birth:  Love is bigger than personally being in one place or another. Being part of something does not exclude you. You can participate in something wonderful and be on the other side of the world. I love being a Grammy!

"Don't Bother Me, I've Just Been Born"

My nephew and his wife had a little girl on May 26th. Her name is Lily. Lily arrived with alert dark eyes, looking like a clone of her mom. She is their second child. Their first little girl, Emma, is two and a half years old. She looks like her daddy. She is imaginative, bright, funny, silly and true to 2 year olds in general, is defiant, self-centered, demanding, manipulative and prone to melt-downs and temper tantrums over nothing in particular.

I stayed with them for a week when Lily was born to help with Emma and generally be an extra set of hands for whatever was needed to make things easier. My sister was there also, so we spotted each other with the things that came up that needed doing. Emma took a lot of energy. Just writing that makes me realize what an understatement it is. Her needs changed as the days went by.

The night before her mom went in for a c-section, Emma spent the evening with both her parents doting on her, snuggling and generally loving her up. She understood that there was a baby in her mommy's tummy but had no concept of what that meant.

The first night after Lily was born was the first time Emma had ever spent without her mother. She was happy to be with her "Granny" and was distracted from the fact that her parents weren't there.

The next morning, though, when Grammy and not Mommy came to get her out of bed, Emma had a major melt-down. She stood at the window far longer than her usual attention span and sobbed. Granny knew that she needed to see her mommy and where she was and meet Lily. She arranged to take Emma to the hospital after her nap that afternoon.

After this visit, her anger began to kick in. She started having many temper tantrums, throwing things refusing food and being clumsy and reckless so that she fell and bumped into things. All of these melt-downs ended in the same place with her calling out, " M O M M Y . . . "

When they brought Lily home, Emma had an even more difficult time because of her mother's nonavailability while being in the same house. We had strict instructions from her mother to leave her and Lily alone unless she came out of her room. This was a very difficult thing to implement with Emma wanting her mother's attention more than ever.

The other difficulty was helping Emma understand how fragile and vulnerable Lily is. Emma would forget and not pay attention and it took major watching when Lily was around to keep her safe.

Another thing Emma had to come to terms with was having her things being brought out for the baby to use. Her car seat, bouncy seat and swing, all which were too small for her at this point, became both fascinations and frustrations. All of these items eventually ended up out of her reach, as she couldn't leave them alone.

It was interesting to watch the change in dynamics with Emma when her parents were around. She got incredibly wound up and ANGRY. Then the acting out would get full-blown. Nothing would please her, nothing would console her and nothing would stop her from acting out. My sister and I watched as her parents, exhausted and unable to really deal with her, would give in to her wishes and cave under her bad behavior.

My sister and I are both exhausted after being there this week. We agreed there is a reason why young people have children. I'm certain with time, things with Emma, Lily and their parents will calm down and become easier. It certainly was eye opening to me to see how challenging it is to bring home a new baby, especially with a 2 year old to deal with!